the evolution of the mysterious creature that is the panda

here is the beginning of the panda evolution tree...it starts in the year 1985, in the country that we all love to call the U S of A in a tiny itty bitty state that no one really cares about called wiscanson..nothing there really except trees, some sparse grass and essentially the only panda ever born there:



when panda was about 2 years old, she grew big and strong, and thus the doctors in wiscanson naturally wanted to know her weight, and so she put on the scale [uh oh, says the panda, im shy about my weight, im fat!]



here is just a regular picture of the panda in her regular habitat:



then, at about 5 years old [panda years ofcourse, much different from human years] [every panda year is about 3 male human years] [the reason for the male years is based on the scientific study that when a male human spends 1 year with the panda, it "feels" like about 3] we can see the panda is no longer a cub, and is now exploring with mama panda: (please note the grin on mama panda and the slight smurk on THE panda)




then, as panda was getting older, she started losing interest in many things that regular pandas would be in to [such as bamboo hunting and booger picking] and dropped out of the zoo... well, luckily for this panda, a representative from the wonder bread company spotted the well groomed panda on the corner of the street in wiscanson [prostituting her bamboo, ofocurse] and recruited her in his business of making new types of bread... here is just one example of a newly designed bread specifically produced for panda lovers:




the panda quickly rose to stardom. within just 2 human years, the panda became one of the biggest hits since the sex tape with paris hilton..she started landing gigs in hollywood in great hits such as the ninja panda and ofcurse, the KUNG FU PANDA..but with this great stardom also came unimaginable problems, such as the pandas cocaine addiction and temper problem:






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pandas cocaine stash:






in only under 1 year, panda went from being a star to being an angry "bitch you look fierce" type of panda in the slums of downtown manhattan [where she once owned her own brothel:







luckily for the panda, she met a nice young handsome young lad in the outskirts of a deserted borough in new york, called staten island, where he was a practicing porn star with a fetish for furry animals [go figure].. well it wasnt too long till the two of them hooked up and cleaned up, at that...the young lad introduced her to the world of sensual massages, here is a picture of one of the strapping young lads massages: